Exploring Carl Jung’s shadow

Confronting the shadow in ones personal unconscious is usually the first major endeavor in the course of depth psychotherapy. Jung defined the shadow as:

the negative side of the personality, the sum of all those unpleasant qualities we like to hide, together with the insufficiently developed functions and the contents of the personal unconscious.

Jungs definition is an important one because it reminds us that the shadow is not altogether bad. It can contain parts of ourselves that are childish, undeveloped, rudimentary, and in some cases, genuinely positive. Jung also believed that the shadow could be the seat of creativity.

Parts of ourselves end up as shadow material because they are deemed inappropriate by those around us or stand in contradiction to who we believe ourselves to be. As Anthony Storr notes, the shadow contains feelings and motives which the conscious self disowns. Shadow material is therefore repressed and exists as an unconscious personality. As a result, it has an autonomous, emotional and possessive nature. Storr says that it is the shadow that accounts for embarrassing slips of the tongue (commonly referred to as Freudian slips) that Freud noted in The Psychopathology of Everyday Life.

If understanding the shadow proves to be difficult, consider this: the shadow is an archetypal figure that is depicted in art and popular culture. Shelleys Frankenstein, Shakespeares Caliban, and the most recent vampire craze are all representations of the personal and collective shadow. Artists, songwriters, authors, playwrights, and even screenwriters are, knowingly or not, inspired by the depths of the unconscious. If their characters and themes resonate with the public, it is usually because their creations resonate with the unconscious of the public.

Recognizing our shadow material is part of the journey to embracing the totality of ourselves. However, this can prove to be a difficult task. As Jung notes, it takes considerable moral effort, insight, and good will to embrace the dark aspects of our personality. Some parts of the shadow can be recognized more easily than others but because the shadow is a moral problem, there is usually some resistance to confronting it.

Resistance to confronting the shadow often takes the form of projections, the unconscious process by which we see undesirable parts of ourselves in others. When we project, the other is always guilty because we cant recognize that the darkness is in ourselves. Projections essentially isolate a person from their environment; instead of having a real, truthful relationship with the people and things around them, they have an illusory one. Jung likened the shadow to a cocoon that, if unregulated, can gradually encapsulate the ego or conscious self.

Some readers may be familiar with one of Jungs more notable quotes, what you resist, persists. In other words, the less embodied the shadow is (or for that matter any part of the unconscious), the darker and denser it gets. Embracing the shadow does not involve the suspension of ones morality; rather it is the process of reconciling opposite forces within oneself. This requires thought, questioning, periods of uncertainty, and as Jolan Jacobi notes becoming unsparingly critically conscious of ones own nature. Some readers may be disappointed to find out that embracing the shadow does not rid oneself of undesirable traits. Actually, it begins the process of integration whereby conscious and mindful relationships are created between parts of oneself.

The shadow stands at the threshold of the unconscious. In order to fully understand oneself, it is imperative to confront it. Developing a relationship with the shadow may not be easy but doing so allows a person to move further into the depths of their unconscious life.

Arranged Marriages Boon or Bane

One topic, which has always raised many arguments, is whether an arranged marriage is a boon or bane? In a love marriage, one strives on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is usually considered as one of the safest ways to ensure family’s approval of a union.

Arranged marriages are often compared with marriages of convenience. The parents often indulge into matrimony thinking that their daughter should marry someone who will provide her financial security. In fact, there are as many reasons for entering into a marriage of convenience as there are novels dealing with this subject. Although an arranged marriage does not begin with love, theres always that sensual tension cooking beneath the surface.

Arranged marriages are a common practice in culturally routed countries such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India.

Youngsters in these countries are told from an early age that their spouses will be chosen for them. If one denies an arranged marriage, it is considered as a sign of disrespect towards the family. Now the question is whether an arranged marriage is a boon or bane? Different people have different opinions for it. As per statistics, the divorce rate for arranged marriages in these countries is much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love rule. Whereas love marriages are always considered as a safer option as the girl and the boy know each other beforehand.

The concept of arranged marriages is a very popular norm in India. It is how most of the Indians get married. Despite the fact that many Indians are quite modern and western in their approach, arranged marriages are still preferred in most of the Indian families. The concept of arranged marriages may sound unreasonable to the Western world but for Indians it is something they prefer. The system has originated from child marriage, which has been a custom in India since ages. The system mainly came into existence to promote caste system or racism. Arranged marriage has its pros and cons. On the one hand, it is considered as a medium to promote racism and class system and on the other, it gives parents control over family matters and issues.

Another major drawback is that the boy and the girl dont get to know their future spouses before marriage. In arrange marriages, knowing your life partner is not given as much significance as much as parents approval. Two unknown people tie the knot without knowing, meeting and understanding each other. Just as every coin has two sides so do arrange marriages, it is both a boon and a bane. There is also a different positive side to arranged marriages. As there are parents who love their children and are concerned about their life and take the consent of their children when they decide their marriage. Arrange marriages are successful only when the parents dont force their children to marry whom they don’t want to marry. In a marriage there should be mutual consent and understanding from both sides than only a marriage can sustain. A successful arranges marriage happens when the parents support and help their children to find their respective spouses as per their desires and likings. One cannot deny the fact that arranged marriages have some ill effects on the society like it is partial to a particular religion, caste and a race. It is somehow not healthy when parents take over their children’s wishes and desires in choosing their life partner. It is definitely wonderful when children are given the right to take a decision themselves on their marriage and also there should be property arrangements for the first time, it would be husband and wife to meet and to understand each other. This is also called a period of courtship when both of them decide to date and decide to get married.

More than a love marriage or an arranged marriage, what is more important is the fact that a relationship cannot grow if there is no mutual consent and understanding from both the parties. Be it a love or arranged marriage, people look for the perfect life partner. But nobody is perfect on this earth. If we understand the other person thoroughly, the way he or she is than only we can leave a happily married life irrespective of love or arrange because the real success of marriage lies in love, respect, concern, empathy, loyalty and more important for each other.

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Be responsible for your online dating security on Afroromance

After reading all these stories on the internet about online insecurity and all the swindling that sometimes comes with it, you can sometimes feel vulnerable. But as much as the online dating sites like Afroromance do a lot to enhance member safety and security; I cant just go online with my blindfolds on. HELL to the NO!!! See, the perception that “my site has security measures in place” or “every profile goes through rigorous screening so I am safe” is what makes some people fall victim to online cons. And the best advice I can give other members is: Dont let anyone else be responsible for your online safety and security; these two are your responsibility.
See, I have come to notice how easy it always is for me to trust people online. And I happen to have formed the wrong perception about some of the other members in my search for love. So knowing too well that online romance tricks are on the rise, I cannot afford to have blindfolds on even for one second. I know my search for love makes me vulnerable but I just cant afford to be careless and surrender my entire online dating safety to Afroromance dating site or any other site for that matter.
Whenever I start communicating with someone online, I think before I do anything. I never divulge or disclose my personal information to anyone immediately, nor do I meet them in person that soon. And whenever I come into contact with anyone who gets abusive or threatens me to give them my personal info, I report them on the Afroromance dating site for their administrators to investigate.
My motto has been never to send money to anyone, no matter how genuine their problems sound, because I know too well that such individuals are but opportunists who have discovered an easier way to make a quick buck. Me, I block any member that asks me for any financial favors. I am here to find love not to get ripped off in the process.
Its very simple: Afroromance dating site is a platform for helping people find love. So anything I come across that doesnt entail making friends or finding love and romance, I do not entertain. I take control of my own online safety and ask questions later. It doesnt matter how genuine the problem the other member has seems. There is no way of you verifying their story. So why risk it? Better stay safe!

Black Men Dating White Women

There are many articles writing abut black men dating white women and this type of relationship has been boom in America, Canada, Australia, UK, etc. There are some reasons why black guys dating white girls. So, why are black men dating white women? One of the main reasons is the attractiveness in different skin color. White women are beautiful, attractive, appealing, and sexy so they attract these guys. So, these guys find such girls attractive. Most white women have confidence and they are like diamonds in the rough. So, black men looking for white women because these girls have beautiful curves, skin, and physical features.

Such interracial relationships have become widely booming in the last decade. There are not only black men and white women relationships but also with Hispanic or Asian women. What is going on? Why do these guys love such girls so much? Again, attractiveness is the main reason. Most African American men dating white girls are using the online dating services to find them. How do they find these ladies? They register their personal ads at either black dating sites or other general dating services to find such ladies. As we live on this modern century, looking for such relationships is a common thing and online dating really works very well these days.

African American men seeking white women register at black dating sites to look for love and relationship. All they need is a few minutes to sign up for a personal profile and wait until their profiles get approved. After they are approved, they can contact for as many white women as they like. Such specific dating sites have white girls who are interested in black men. However, they can register at general dating websites to find such females. So, if you are one of the African American man seeking white woman, then you can choose between which site go sign up with. General dating services have such members who are interested in interracial relationships as well.

So, are you single and lonely? Are you interested in an interracial relationship or marriage? Take action to register a personal ad at black dating sites or general dating services. There are thousands of singles waiting for you. Online dating is one of the best ways to meet your second half. On this modern century, looking for love and relationship in a bar or club is retired. Singles prefer the online dating to find their relationship because it is simple and convenient. There is no cost if you use totally free black dating sites to find your match. Online dating also lets you choose the best person from many singles available. Don’t wait any longer. Take action today to find your other half.

Black dating sites are the best solution to meet African American singles online for love and romance, relationship and marriage. If you are a single Black woman or man, then you should find your perfect match on the Internet dating sites.

Thousands of single black men looking for white women and vice versa who are waiting to meet you, take action now.

Emily Post On Wedding Etiquette

Emily Post is the well known Miss Manners on Wedding Etiquette. But there are many Wedding Etiquette specialists these days that followed Ms. Emily Post’s footstep and became Miss Manners themselves. If you are getting married anytime soon and you want to know some tips from Miss Manners on Wedding Etiquette, here are some Wedding Etiquette basics for you, the blushing bride.

* On Wedding Dress

Miss Manners says Wedding Etiquette of our age is not very strict anymore. Today, Miss Manners allows brides to wear non-conventional color for a wedding gown. Aside from ultra white, creme, and beige, Miss Manners says that it is not against Wedding Etiquette to wear pastel colored wedding gown, especially if the wedding is a Destination Wedding. For a beach wedding, brides can now wear turquoise or aquamarine colored wedding dress to match the color of the dress with the aqua-blue freshness of the sea waters.

* On Wedding Shoes

Miss Manners says Wedding Etiquette allows brides to wear open toed and ankle strap wedding shoes. According to the modern Miss Manners too, white is not anymore the basic color for wedding shoes. You can go with beige, creme, ivory or even red to match an ultra white wedding gown.

Miss Manners says that shoes should be comfortable and stylish. Rhinestones are good and does not defy Wedding Etiquette. But for the sake of taste, Miss Manners recommends that brides should go for less ornamented shoes.

* On Announcing the Engagement

Miss Manners says that first time brides may announce their engagement in newspapers or if they have the fortune to host an engagement ball, then they can announce the engagement in the said party. If you do not have the money to throw an engagement party, Miss Manners says that you can announce your engagement to close family and friends during a dinner.

For second wedding, Miss Manners recommend to brides with second marriage to talk to their children first before making the public announcement. Then the next person that they should talk to is their parents before the ex-spouse. Miss Manners says that a bride, who does not have any child from her ex-spouse, fails to tell her ex about her engagement does not violate a Wedding Etiquette. According to Miss Manners, the bride have no obligation to her ex-spouse unless they have a children of which they have joint custody.

* On Who to Invite

Miss Manners says that it is the bride and the groom and the host (in case the parents will co-host the wedding) has the say on who are or who are not to invite. But the last say, for Wedding Etiquette’s sake, is always upon the lips of the bride and the groom since it is their big day and it is them who are the center of attention.

If the bride or the groom don’t prefer to invite an ex-boyfriend who is one of the best employee of the bride’s father, then the bride’s father cannot command her daughter to invite the old flame even if it is the bride’s father who have hosted the wedding.