I have a friend who is in a fairly new relationship…less than one year old. She and her boyfriend met on a dating site and are very happy with the way things have evolved. They seem to have worked through the hard stuff, and evidently things between them have been smooth sailing for the past few months.
There is one hitch, however. He has introduced her to several of his friends, and though she is a very open-minded gal, she doesn’t really care too much for these people. It’s not a huge problem. Her boyfriend has two couples that he is very close with and from time to time they do “couple” things together. Mostly this includes getting together for dinner or meeting for a drink or two. But my girlfriend doesn’t have much in common with the women and though they have extended their wishes in getting together with her without her boyfriend, she would rather not do so.
Does this make her a snob? Not at all. She simply feels as though she doesn’t share a lot of commonalities and feels she and these women don’t have much to talk about. She’d rather spend her free time with her own group of friends. So what happens when you don’t care for the friends of your dating site partner? Is it the end of the world? It doesn’t have to be.
Compromise is everything in a relationship and compromise must be met in this particular scenario. If you don’t have much in common with the friends of your partner, there is no need for you to hang out with them. On the other hand, you cannot resent the time he wants to spend with his friends. If you are able to enjoy activities as a couple with another couple, that is great. There is no reason why you need to become best friends with the wife of his best friend. Compromise is made when you agree to spend a certain amount of time with his friends as a couple.
If your partner is understanding, he won’t press matters. After all, you don’t expect him to become best friends with the people in your life, do you? That is what keeps a relationship interesting. If you have your friends and he has his, the two of you can remain autonomous and do your own thing. There should be a certain amount of independence between two people in a relationship. You don’t have to share everything, you know. If he is offended that you’d rather not spend alone time with his female friends, explain to him that you have nothing in common with them, but you’re willing to get together every now and then for social interactions among the couples.
My friend explained these things to her boyfriend and luckily they see eye to eye on this subject. They each have their own individual interests and agree that this makes the time they spend together more special and alluring. When his friends invite them over for a barbeque or cocktails, she is more than willing to go. She just doesn’t want to spend the day shopping with a woman she has nothing in common with. And she doesn’t have to. Neither do you.